"Don't Love Me Anymore"

Dear Rohail,

I never wanted to break up with you but I felt I had too. I was so busy, my marks were dropping and I was losing my friends. I thought breaking up would be easy. I wrestled with the idea for a week before I did it. Once I decided to do it, it was easy... especially after you told me you cheated on me. I laughed. I didn't cry.

I thought we could be friends and the worst part of breaking up was over. But as the weeks passed I realized I missed you, a lot. I missed being held, and I missed seeing your "I'm crazy for you" smile. Then 2 weeks ago, 2 weeks after we had broken up, when I found out you were in the hospital, the psychiatric ward, I broke.

I knew you were depressed before we started going out and while we were going out but the thought of "you caused this Shumaila" wouldn't leave my mind. I went to see you and realized I still loved you but I couldn't go out with you, I couldn't stand to feel so awful again. Every moment we spent going out was bitter sweet. Sweet because I loved you and would have done anything for you, yet bitter because I knew you were depressed and you wouldn't talk to me about it, and because I felt trapped, like I always had to be happy for you.

Now you tell me you still love me and would go out with me if I asked you. That hurts more than anything. I love you too but I can't say yes. I can't let myself fall again. To know you still love me is hard too, because I can give you no hope that we could ever go out again. I don't see why you'd want too. I could never return all the love you gave me.

Now Rohail, I wish that I could love you as much as you love me. I wish that I could be your pillar of support, but I can't and it breaks my heart little by little to know this. You have changed my life forever and I will never be able to forget all you taught me about love, but it is time to move on. I ask you now, "don't love me anymore..."

Shumaila